#34 - Mar. 12th, 2024

Hesitantly optimistic…..

It’s been exactly one month since I had the surgery to remove lymph nodes and section of base of tongue. I had no idea I would end up spending 24 of those days in a hospital bed. 

I woke up today as usual, to someone wanting to jab a needle into me. Another to strap a blood pressure cuff on me. 

Today I actually feel pretty good. Still have a little pain in lungs, however, I feel like my threshold for pain is completely different than it used to be. 

Able to take full breaths of air. Able to walk without blood pressure dropping. I call it a win for today. 

They plan on taking me off of the IV blood thinner today. In return, they will start me on a different oral blood thinner. I would be lying if I told you that there wasn’t any fear involved with that. It’s what happened last time and I ended up back here 11 hours later bleeding from my incisions. However, there are many differences this time. 

I have another week of healing on those incisions.  

It is a lower dose and a different drug than before. 

They are keeping me for observation for another 24 hours. Im feeling stronger than I was then. 

 But yes, still fearful. Fearful that it happens again. 

Fearful of putting my wife through that scare again. 

I have to reflect on what I tell guys when they are fearful. “Do you have any control of this fear?”

My answer is “No”. 

So I have to give this fear to God. 

There is nothing I can do to prevent the same thing from happening. So I have to give it away. I can’t carry that fear. It will slowly crush me under the weight of it. So I give it to Him. I stand in the pause. 

I wait. 

Love you all,

Dave