#29 - Mar. 6th, 2024

Well F*ck,

I know.  Not the most welcoming title for today’s entry. I will explain in a moment. 

Before I get into that, I want to come clean about a few things. 

Of course I appreciate the love and care and prayers, a large reason for writing these is it is very therapeutic about getting all these thoughts annd emotions out of me. Making these posts is just as good for me as it might be for you. 

 For the most part, I truly have been very optimistic about everything that has happened. 

I have no problem standing strong in my faith. 

However,  in recent,  I’ve found myself trying to “fluff” things up to show people a version that isn’t entirely true. I realized that I need to give you me,… a broke human. 

That’s the version I feel will give you the most real experience I can give you. 

So, with that being said. 

I was discharged about 5:30p yesterday. It was amazing to walk in the from door to our home and to get loved on by the dogs. And just not be in the hospital. Megan has the home set up perfectly with different aids to help me be able to navigate with ease. I appreciate her so much for doing that for me. The pups were so happy. Everything seemed to finally be getting back to some sort of normal. Megan made me something to eat. All was well. 

At 4:30 I woke up because something didn’t feel right. I could taste blood. I went into the bathroom and spit into the sink. What I discovered was my spit was bright red blood. 

 (This it the point where the title of this post came out of my mouth. )

I woke up Megan and less than 12 hours after we had gotten home, we are heading back to the Emergency Room.

At the ER it was discovered that the reason I was bleeding profusely from my mouth was because of the blood thinners that they put me on for my blood clots, well now the incisions in my throat were bleeding. 

So if I don’t take blood thinners there’s a good chance I will get blood clots in my lungs, if I take blood thinners there’s a chance that I bleed out….

Well F*ck…..

Here is the spot in the story that puts a lump in my throat every time.

Megan is the sole reason I’m still here today. If she hadn’t called my surgeon when I first came to the hospital in Bismarck, if she hadn’t told him that he needs to reach out to Bismarck and help advise these doctors, I’d very possibly be dead. The Bismarck doctors had me on blood thinners that took 12 hours to be reversed. TWELVE HOURS!!! That’s 12 hours of uncontrollable bleeding. Luckily the blood thinner my surgeon told them to put me on is immediately reversible. They can give me another drug and the blood will thicken again. Which they did. Now I’m again admitted to the hospital for observation and head scratching. There is a team of professionals trying to come up with a game plan to “thread the needle” between more blood clots in my lungs or bleeding out. 

This is the reality of what is going on. 

I do genuinely want to tell you that I still believe God is in charge. That I have full trust in Him. 

Which is all the truth. The difference is that this time in going to tell you all the rest of the things that are going through my mind, for example. 

Frankly, this sucks. The truth is that I have been in some sort of high level pain for the last 3 weeks. 

And it’s not fun. It’s not pleasant and I’m sick of it. 

My tail bone hurts from sitting on a bed. My glutes hurt from 3 days for clenching in pain. And I’m about as sick as I guy can be at being in a hospital. 

I do not say any of these things for sympathy. I don’t want you to feel sorry for me. 

The reason I wanted to tell you these things is because I started feeling like a fraud . I told you these things because I want to be completely transparent to you all. You deserve the whole truth, not the edited one. 

I’m still not going to stop digging my heals in. I’m going to continue to fight back against this whole thing. And I’m still going to trust God. 

Love you all 

Dave